Unfortunately yanking the heads would be my next move. Have them pressure checked, resurfaced, valve guides checked/lapped, replace gaskets and hardware, etc. Youre pulling vacuum too much from somewhere in the chambers. Throw some mods in there for sure too. That was my plan, but I had much larger issues.
There is a remote possibility your getting fuel dilution as well and its lowering your oil viscosity enough to flow material through the PCV more than it should. Is your oil pressure staying consistent throughout the full oil change interval? This was something I thought of that possibly contributed to my engine failure. Lifters not pumping up were dumping fuel into the engine on cold starts, and average oil PSI dropped slowly throughout the entire interval. I had TONS of milk in the intake and manifold. When you did the seals did you notice any contaminated oil sitting in the heads? Any oil spotting on the valley cover? Is the back of the throttle body blade caked with oil? Would be a good thing to change that gasket too even though its highly unlikely it would suck out oil or moisture that way. New valve cover gaskets were installed I assume?
I feel ya on the too good to be true truck, man. Sorry to hear it, but seems like its something you can repair.